


Afterward

by Jainasolo17



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-13
Updated: 2014-10-21
Packaged: 2018-02-21 02:42:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2451740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jainasolo17/pseuds/Jainasolo17
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Immediately following the events of Dragon Age 2, Hawke struggles to pick up the pieces of her ruined life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I recently played the game for the first time and struggled with the question of why a Hawke in love with Anders would spare him, and also what might happen to them once they go on the run. Originally, this was first person and I've done some rewrites, so there maybe some mistakes with that. Hopefully I fixed them all.

Hawke

 

      As the battle raged around her, Marian Hawke was glad to be in the middle of the fray and therefore unable to see the faces of her companions. Once she would have called them all friends, but she knew that the events of that day had made that all impossible now. Part of her was hoping for her own death- a release from the torment she felt inside. That would make a good story- people would most likely decide that the Champion of Kirkwall had nothing to do with the destruction of the chantry. Maybe in the legends told about her, her relationship with Anders would be swept under the rug. She would die in glorious combat defending the city. She would die a hero and Anders would die the villain.

      Her anger consumed her. She could feel it like a knot in her stomach, sending flurries of electricity through her body as she hacked, slashed and stabbed at the statues summoned by Meredith. She had agreed from the start that something needed to be done for the mages in the city, but she never would have agreed with the drastic measures her lover had taken. The fact that he had acted behind her back; made her complicit through her own inaction, was nearly unbearable.

     When Anders insisted that he would hurt her, she had imagined that he meant only her. Her own pain could have been dealt with, but the pain of thousands... the pain of an entire city... it was unimaginable. Before this fight, she had assured him that she would stand by him and had refused to kill him or turn him in. Clearly this had surprised him. She did not believe that he guessed the underlying reason for her decision. She didn't want to have to tell him; it might kill him. Maker, the conversation might even kill her.

     Maker, he had _expected_ her to kill him after the Chantry. How could he have put her in that position? How would she even begin to live with herself if her lover had died at her own hands? Calling what he had done a betrayal did not even begin to cover it.

     She had no idea what he might be thinking now, and part of her did not even want to know. She did know that if they managed to survive this battle, they would never be safe again. In fact, after this very battle they would almost certainly be attacked by the templars who were now aiding them.

     They would have to get through her to kill Anders, though. Even though she abhorred his actions, she was not about to allow anyone to kill him. She had lost too much already; to lose her heart, too, would be unbearable. It seemed that nearly everyone who had been close to her, her entire family, had died or been lost to her. First her father, then Carver, then Bethany had gone to the wardens, and then her mother had been taken by a madman. Now she and Anders would be constantly on the run and constantly fighting. One thing was certain; they would die together or they would live together. She would not begin to imagine the possibility of living without him.

     When they had finally defeated Meredith, Marian was astonished to see that the Templars, guided by Cullen, stepped back. They were clearly allowing them to leave. Everyone that she had brought to the Gallows with her froze.. Nobody stirred for what seemed like hours, but in reality could only have been minutes. Finally, Marian nodded toward Cullen and turned, slowly making her way out of the courtyard. She did not look to see who was following, but knew that Anders would. Frankly, she wouldn't be surprised if no one else followed her where she was headed.

    As they made their way back to the waiting boat, Hawke gritted her teeth with determination, even as she began to limp from her wounds. She must be tough and not show too much emotion, as always. Dealing with her former friends was going to hurt, and probably very badly. Undoubtedly, they would now abandon her. She would brace herself and would weather whatever happened. What was important was that she and Anders would escape the city together and then.... She did not know what would come next. Suddenly the future was bleak and she could no longer picture it. Before she had held at least broad stroke ideas of a future. Once the unrest in Kirkwall had settled, as it undoubtedly would, she and Anders would have begun in earnest to try to find a way to separate him and Justice. The thought of this now made her begin to laugh. The sound was nearly hysterical and she fought to control herself. There would be time to break down later.

    The captain of the boat looked frightened as they boarded, but said little. As they set off and she took a seat on the deck of the boat, Hawke finally allowed herself a measuring look around. Everyone had followed. All of them were a safe distance away from her. None of them would look her in the eye. Anders was crumpled on the deck, his head in his hands. Briefly, she wondered if he would ever recover. Would it have been less cruel to him to kill him when Sebastian had demanded it?

    Her anger began to rise again as she remembered how Sebastian had threatened the lives of the entire city to kill her “precious Anders.” It was a miracle that she had not attacked him on the spot. How could anyone expect her to turn so suddenly on the love of my life, regardless of what he had done? And how could he threaten the lives of every man, woman, and child in Kirkwall for his revenge? She stared off into the water. She would deal with Anders later.

   After a few moments, she felt a hand on her shoulder, a small comfort. “Hawke, I...” It was Varric. “I have to say this first, so don't stop me.” She turned slowly to face him. “I don't blame you. Don't act like it's not what you're thinking. I know you didn't have a hand in what he did, and I've seen your devotion to him. And, I don't...” He sighed heavily, “I don't blame you for keeping him with you.”

    “Thank you.” She meant it wholeheartedly. “I can't ask you to come with us. I don't ask you to understand....”

    “Of course I'm coming with you. You need my help to get out of here. And dammit, you're the best friend I've ever had, I won't let you face this alone. I hate you for making me say that, by the way.” She cracked a small smile. It was the best that she could do, under the circumstances. With that, Varric turned around and gave her space. For that she was grateful.

    No one else approached her during the trip back to the city. As they neared the shore, Hawke stood up and gestured for everyone to gather around her. “I don't know how long of a reprieve the templars will give us. I will go to my house, gather what I can, and leave the city. I'll never come back. Anyone who wants to come with _us_ is welcome. If you wish to go a separate way, I don't blame you. I mean that.”

    “Us?” Aveline stepped forward and Hawke readied herself for the onslaught. “You mean to take Anders with you? You would do that? He has to face what he did! You had no part in this-”

    “No one will believe that, Aveline.” Undaunted, the warrior continued.

    “I will turn him in so that he can face what he deserves”

    “No.” Hawke said quietly, meeting her friend's eyes. “I will not let you.”

    “You won't let me? I could arrest both of you! You are aiding a murderer!” Her face reddened in outrage.

    “We're all murderers.”

    “He murdered innocents! How can you stand by him?” Hawke let out a heavy sigh.

    “Aveline, he... he is my husband.” Everyone within earshot gasped, expect for Varric, who had been their witness. This had been their secret for nearly two years. It had been difficult to find a priest willing to do the ceremony. Although mages were not forbidden to wed, it was never easy to convince the chantry to allow it. After having the Grey Warden taint explained to him, the priest had agreed to go ahead with it. What would the harm be in a mage marrying if the union could never produce a mage child? Hawke knew that her influence as Champion of Kirkwall had no small part in his decision either. Anders had made her vow to keep their marriage quiet, arguing that if Meredith learned that she had gone so far as to marry her apostate lover, it might put both of them in danger. After this betrayal, Hawke saw no reason to keep her promise.

    “He is what?” Aveline sputtered. Hawke wasn't entirely sure why her friend would be so surprised by this. Had she truly thought that she would live with a man for all of those years without loving him enough to marry him?

    “He is my heart. Without him, my life is nothing. Imagine it were you in my place and Donnic in his. Could you kill him? Could you turn him into the law knowing that it would also mean his death.. or worse?” Tears began to well up in Hawke's eyes as she felt the tug of her own words on her heart. Damn the law, damn justice- if Anders was taken from her, there would be no point to living.

    “That's not a fair question. Donnic would never do such a thing.”

    “I would have said the same thing of Anders this morning.” She did not care that the subject of their conversation could hear every word that they were saying.

    “I... stand for the law.”

    “Aveline, you have been a dear friend. I love you. But what you ask of me is not something that I could ever do. I will leave with him and you will let me... or I will have to...” Hawke's voice choked in her throat, failing to keep emotion at bay. “You know what I will have to do. Please don't push me.” Aveline took a step back, her fists still clenched.

    “I will not go with you, but I can't stay here either. If I fail to return him, I won't be above suspicion. May I stay with you until you are a safe distance away?”

    “Of course.” Hawke responded, finally letting herself breathe again. She had made her point. But she couldn't help but think that she would still need to watch out for Anders. Aveline had never deceived her before, but she had a feeling that this matter may be a special situation.

    Before any further arguments could be raised, Hawke set out stiffly for her estate, once again not looking at who followed her.


	2. Chapter 2

Anders

 

    When they landed on the shore again, Anders could not help but notice that his love looked haggard, spent, injured, and like a ghost of her former self. He longed to heal her or at least be able to hold her for just a moment, as he made a point of doing after every one of their battles. But as much as he wanted to offer her comfort, he knew that he was the cause of her pain and therefore it would not be welcome. This cut him to the core.

    Her other followers departed- Varric to the Hanged Man, Merrill to her place in Lowtown, Fenris to his dusty mansion, and Aveline and Donnic to their home. He wondered which of them they would ever see again. Suddenly it hit him that he had ruined Hawke's life as she knew it. Never again would she carouse in the Hanged Man with Varric or wander about Lowtown trying to solve everyone's problems. Already he had witnessed the fracturing of one of her friendships because of him. How many more would occur before the day was done?

   The deaths that he had caused were hanging over him, like a physical weight on his chest. Immediately following the explosion, he had found it hard to breathe as depression set over him. The Chantry explosion, the necessary part, he had prepared himself for. What he had not been ready for was the amount of mages that had perished in the battle immediately afterward. So many of them had fallen prey to demons and been slain the street like cattle. They would never benefit from freedom if the mage cause was successful.

   After his actions, he had thought that his death was imminent. Fervently, he had hoped for the end to come soon after so that he did not have to live with what he had done. Although he knew this was selfish, this was the only way that he could imagine events would unfold. His days with Marian, arguably the only happy days of his life, were at an end. He could only hope that she could move past the pain that he had caused her and live her life. But she had surprised him. She had not only refused to let him die, but had vowed to follow him into his exile.

   As she set off for her estate, he followed her at a distance. Marian had not so much as looked at him since their hurried conversation before the big battle. He could not blame her. He had expected her to turn from him, to cast him out, or to even allow Sebastian to kill him when the man had demanded it. When she had vowed to stay with him, his heart had soared at the prospect. Never had he imagined that she could remain with him after what he had done. It was a testament to her loyalty that she didn't hate him. Although, he would understand if she did. He had betrayed her. He had kept the truth from her, and he had made it impossible for her to continue her life in Kirkwall.

    And what sort of life would she have now? If she fled the city with him, he knew that she would forever be considered to be on his side, supportive of his actions. What would that mean for her? People would likely see her as ruthless. She would lose her status, everything that she had gained for herself in Kirkwall. Likely she would never be able to return to this city that had been her home for nearly ten years. Would that mean that she would never see her sister again?

   Anders was used to a life on the run, but Hawke was too young to remember her family fleeing for her father's freedom. In Kirkwall, she did seem to live for adventure, sticking her nose into every conflict that she could find. But did she want that for the rest of her life? Did she really want to never again have a permanent home? Would she be happy if ever day were a struggle or a battle?

   His actions had been necessary, he told himself as he followed her quickly through the streets. The suffering and bondage of mages was a more important issue than even his own life or the love of... well, his life. His heart was heavy as he contemplated this, as he watched her figure in front of him in the waning light. Even now with depression settling over him, he could feel the lustful pull of her- his eyes drawn to her perfect hourglass figure and her swaying hips. Mentally, he couldn’t help but admonish himself, cursing the taint in him and the way that it augmented his lust. Varric had never gotten his fill of teasing Fenris, Isabella, and him about their propensity to be hypnotized by her movement, especially from behind. For the first time in a very long time, the part of him that was Justice did not reprimand him for these thoughts. This was a small, but welcome relief.

   When they reached the Hawke estate, she immediately took off one way, still refusing to look at him. He made his way to the bedroom, deciding that it would be best to pack his meager clothing before turning to the library, where the majority of what he possessed was kept. Bitey immediately greeted Marian, wagging his tail as he followed her, probably attempting to offer her any comfort that he could. Anders set off on his own to begin to pack.

   Although he had lived in Kirkwall for nine years, he had never really set down roots. He had collected a small collection of books, but had nearly no mementos and barely any wardrobe to speak of. Hawke had teased him many times for this over the years and had even bought him clothes every once and a while. All of this led to the fact that he had very little to pack and it took him a short amount of time to do so.

   Later in the library, he heard the front door open and overheard a feminine voice saying “Hello?” It was Aveline. He knew better than to respond. Marian must have gone to her because soon after, he heard their voices together,

   “Hawke, I... I had no idea that you had married him.”

   “No one did, no one except Varric. It doesn't change anything. I loved him the same before and I still do.”

    “Even now? Even after?” He could not listen to the rest because he couldn't bear to hear the answer. Like some sort of immature child, he began to hum to himself as he sorted which papers were actually important enough to take with him. Keeping the tune going helped distract him from his tortured thoughts. After some passage of time, he became aware that there more voices in the main room. It was time for him to join them.

   “I won't go with you.” Fenris was growling. “I only came here to try one last time to convince you.” Anders stopped his progress in the doorway, feeling that this was a conversation that he had no right to be a part of. “What you are doing is insane! I don't know what he has done to bewitch you, I only wish that I could break it. He is an abomination. He has no right to life, let alone your devotion. Please listen to reason. You don't have to have any part of it. Just tell me where he is and let me take care of him.”

   “Fenris, I am sorry, but I cannot. I know that nothing that I say will convince you that I'm not bewitched. If you will not follow me, I only ask that you allow me to leave.”

    “I should kill you where you stand for protecting him!” He burst out.

   “If you attempt to lay one hand on her, I'll kill you myself.” Varric's voice came from another part of the room. Lines had been drawn. Silence filled the room for what seemed like a very long time. Anders held his breath waiting in the doorway, wondering if they would be forced to fight once again for their lives. Finally, he heard Fenris's voice again.

   “Very well. You have been too good for me to turn on you, but I cannot stay with you while you ruin your life with that... that thing.” Soon after Anders heard the front door slam.

   When he finally found the courage to come out from his hiding spot, and enter the main room, Anders saw that Varric and Merrill had aligned themselves on the same side of the room as Hawke. They were standing on either side of hear near the stairs and Fenris was still near the doorway. Anders counted his blessings for this. He and Merrill had never exactly gotten along. In fact, he had been downright awful to her at times, but he knew that her devotion to Marian ran deep. Varric had been the only one of their companions that he would also count as a friend, so seeing that he had stayed with them was a comfort to him.

   Aveline and Donnic were also present in the center of the room, seemingly neutral, holding their packs of what Anders assumed were their hastily packed belongings. Guilt swept over him as he realized that it was him that was uprooting all of these people. Had it really been worth all of this? He had to believe it was.

   Marian glanced in his direction briefly, still refusing to meet his eye, “We should leave soon... and I believe that we should go north, unless there any objections. I have had a ship on call at the docks for some time now in case of a need for... quick withdrawal. We will sail up the coast to avoid being sighted on land. That's all I have for now.” After her speech, she stared at the floor. He wished that he could approach her, but didn't dare. He knew that he must wait until she came to him, if she did at all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I found getting inside Anders's head after the Chantry really challenging. I feel like I can't even begin to wrap my head around this, but I feel having his point of view helps this story, so I tried my best.


	3. Chapter 3

Hawke

 

   As they set off to sea again, Hawke took a seat on the deck and reflected on the previous night, the last night she had of calm before her world fell apart. If she had any sense, she would have seen something coming. Anders had kept her awake far longer than normal. They had made love three times and in between each he was full of loving words while he held her. After their last session, he was especially tender and did not seem to want to let her fall asleep. When she awoke, he was already conscious. He had been watching her sleep and he looked as if he himself hadn't slept at all. Now it made sense. He had thought he was spending his last night with her. Thinking this, she felt a wave of nausea wash over her. The enormity of what had happened had only just hit her and she was finally allowing herself to feel it.

   “I didn't know she suffered from sea sickness.” She heard Anders say from behind her as she retched over the side of the boat.

   “She doesn't.” Varric answered. She could hear it in his voice; he had figured her out. She could always count on him for that.

   “Let me help you.” Anders said, coming up behind her, the first words they had exchanged in hours, “What is wrong... physically, I mean?”

   “I don’t want to talk about it. It's the battle.” She tried to wave him away. She didn't want to do this now, not in front of everyone.

   “Let me heal you.”

   “It's not something you can heal. I'm just tired.” She insisted, thinking _and you caused it in the first place_.

   “Surely there isn't-” he stepped toward her again, closing the distance between them, and placed his hands on her shoulders. Warmth began to radiate from his hands as he cast his diagnosis spell. She relented. There was no good way to go about this. After a few moments in which she was sure he was detecting her bruises and soreness, he reacted. “Oh Maker...” he breathed, suddenly falling to his knees. “If I hadn't been so set on what I was doing. If had only...”

   “It's too late for “ifs”.” She growled, feeling the anger rising inside of her again as she turned to face him. “I was going to tell you tonight. I never got a chance.” She allowed myself to look around the boat and realized that everyone in the vicinity was watching them with interest.

   “Is this... is this why you spared me despite what I did? Is that... the only reason?” His brown eyes pleaded with her as he looked up at her.

   “Yes, I am pregnant.” She said loudly, only for the benefit of the on-lookers. She didn't want to have to repeat this conversation. Let them imagine that this was her reason for sparing him. She was rewarded with gasps. Her fingers were going numb; she realized that she had been clenching her fists since Anders had touched her. “But...” she continued, forcing herself to keep her voice in control and quieter, “It is not the only reason. I'm tied to you whether I like it or not.” Anders began to weep at her feet, obviously overwhelmed. His pain felt so far away, she could not force herself to bend down to comfort him. After all that had happened, she could only feel numb. “Please, just stand up. I think I'm going to throw up again.”

   He stood up slowly and put his arms around her, pulling her close to him, obviously not heeding her warning. She pushed away from him before she realized what she was doing. “Please don't touch me.” The hurt in his eyes was like a stab in her heart, but she would not comfort him when he had harmed her so badly.

   “Please believe me, I never saw this as a betrayal of you. As long as I am alive, I will stay by your side. I didn't believe that with the taint... that I could even have children, or I may have considered this possibility. I will make a safe life for you and our child, as much as I can. Justice will not interfere with our life together again.”

   “I can't help but see it as a betrayal. If you had only told me what you were planning...”

   “I didn't want you to be complicit-”

   “I am by association! It was no secret that we are together. Everyone will believe that Marian Hawke conspired with her apostate lover to destroy the Chantry. To believe otherwise would be to believe me stupid! How could I possibly not have guessed what was going on behind my back? But sadly, I am that stupid. You... you used my love for you to blind me from what you were doing.” Tears were streaming down her face now, she could not help it.

   “No... I... I thought that I was protecting you. I couldn't ask you to take part in that evil. You would never have been able to live with yourself.”

   “You admit that it was evil?” The answer to this question could be her only hope that good still survived in him.

   “Yes, but it was necessary. And I will probably need to spend the rest of my life trying to atone for it. I'll carry the deaths that I caused with me always. I am and will forever be sorry for involving you in this. I am... also sorry that I never had enough willpower to stay away from you.”

   “We're equally guilty of that.” She muttered, reflecting on their courtship. It had been literal years of fascination, lust, having Anders pushing her away, and having others warn her that he was dangerous. At several points she had convinced herself that allowing herself to love him truly was a big mistake. She would resolve to stay away, but always felt that she was drawn back to him, unable to resist. A weak, stupid fool. That was her.

   “Do you regret your choice?” She met his eyes again. He looked more depressed and scared than she had ever seen him.

   “Which?”

   “Both. That you married me. That you didn't kill me at the chantry.” These words broke through the wall armor that she had erected in her heart.

   “Oh Anders, the second was not even a choice. And I would never take the first one back.” She heard him breathe a sigh of relief as she felt another wave of nausea pass over her, and turned to retch over the side of the boat again.

   “I can help with the sickness, at least.” He offered. She nodded and allowed him to place his hands on her again. When he touched her, she felt cold all over despite his healing magic. His touch reminded her of his betrayal, of all of the the deaths that he had caused. Despite this, her stomach began to calm after a few moments. As she began to clean herself off and gather herself to face everyone again, he spoke again, “I need to thank you, in case we don't have another chance to have a talk like this. The fact that you would stand by my side after what I have done, after I have made such a horrible mess of everything, it's... it's unbelievable. I never thought I could experience anything like it. You are amazing, Love.” She forced a smile.

“We'll discuss this more later." She was in no mood to continue the conversation. They had more pressing things to deal with  "Right now we need to do some planning for our exile.” With that, she turned around to face the others.


	4. Chapter 4

Anders

 

     They had gathered an audience. Everyone had clearly been eager to see how he would be treated by Hawke and they had also been drawn into the drama as several of them were unabashedly staring . Searching the small crowd, he made eye contact with Merrill who immediately blushed and looked away. Was the blood mage now afraid of him? He shuddered to think of what this might say about him.

    Suddenly, Hawke cleared her throat beside him. He noticed that she had taken several steps to the side, he feared this was because she did not want to look as if they were a united front facing everyone else. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see her fingering the hilt of the dagger on her hip. This was a tell of hers- an indication that she was about to lie. Although he had no idea what could be coming, he could only hope that no one else present could read her like he could.

   “I'm open to suggestions for where we should go.” She began. Varric and Merrill traded glances while Aveline and Donnic both looked like they were holding something back.

   “I think the world is your oyster right now, Hawke.” Varric offered. “Anywhere we go has got to be better than Kirkwall and the more distance we put between ourselves and it, the better. I think going to the Anderfels would be too on the nose. Don't suppose you still know of any family there, Blondie?”

   “I haven't been there since I was 12. Even if we could track down my family, my father wouldn't welcome me. He sold me out to the Chantry. Besides, I have no idea how I would even go about tracking them down, at least without calling attention to myself. That would definitely serve the purpose of getting far away from Kirkwall, though.”

   “If only we knew where Isabela had run off to. Certainly she has contacts all over Thedas.” Merrill chimed in. Anders sighed inwardly as he could almost feel Hawke stiffen beside him.

   “Yes, but would she want to help me at this point?” Hawke crossed her arms. The pirate had been a sore spot for a while. “I tried to convince her that I could make things right with the Arishok and still keep her safe, but she betrayed me. Honestly, I'm not sure what I would do with her if I saw her right now. “ The hurt in her voice was evident.

   Before him, Hawke had had a dalliance with the pirate. Although she would swear to her dying breath that romantic feelings had not been involved for her, Anders knew better. The memory of the night of Isabela's departure was still fresh in his own memory.

   Hawke had come to him for comfort. In his arms, she had wept the bitter tears of a lover betrayed by one who she had intimately trusted- the only woman she had ever trusted in this way. For reasons that were her own, Hawke had never allowed the others to know the depth of that pain. She had shared this with only him. The rest had assumed that her anger toward the other woman was only due to the dire consequences of her departure. She had nearly gotten them all killed, after all. “I'd be better off trying to contact Zevran. Although, something tells me that he has returned to court.”

   “What, you mean that he practically told us that he's the pet of the Queen?” Varric scoffed.

   “Yes, that would be the indication. King Alistair was sympathetic to me and seemed to be to the cause of mages, too. And his wife fought alongside Anders. Asking for the king and queen for help would not be insane.” At the mention of the Queen of Ferelden, Anders felt dread building in his stomach. Surely that would not be Hawke's chosen course of action. “But, seeing as how I am Fereldan and Anders was a part of the Fereldan Circle, I think that's too obvious of a choice right now. Undoubtedly there are many people pursuing us and that is probably where they would look first.” Relief filled him as he allowed himself a deep breath. “We will head for Antiva as soon as we dock. It is relatively close and I have always wanted to go there. As long as there are no objections.”

   After a few moments of silence and only nods in agreement, Anders spoke “Wherever we go. We need to make sure that you are settled and safe for when it comes time for you deliver.”

   “Oh yes. I suppose congratulations are in order.” Sarcasm laced Aveline’s voice. “Honestly, I thought someone in your situation would have been a bit more careful.” Although he knew this was directed at Hawke, it flared his anger as well and before he knew it he had taken a step forward. Surprisingly, Justice stirred as well. Aveline glared and he returned her look, conscious that his eyes most likely portrayed a hint of blue glow.

   “Don't presume to know anything about our private life.” Hawke gritted her teeth, but put her hand out as if to hold him back. “Grey Wardens are not supposed to be able to have children. That was supposed to be enough.”

   “Apparently it was not.”

   “Yes, apparently so. But that's none of your concern. You can take your leave of us as soon as you want.”

   “Hawke, I'm only saying this out of concern for you. How are you going to take care of a child while you're on the run as a fugitive?”

   “With Anders's help, and the help of the friends who remain with me. My parents made it work. We can, too.”

   “So this is you becoming your mother.” Aveline said. “I can only hope that you won't suffer the same fate that she did. If you hadn't noticed, it was magic that killed her.”

   “Please, Aveline, we've fought enough for a life time in the past day. Let us not part on angry terms.” Hawke pleaded. “I am weary. Let this wait until the morning.” This action surprised Anders. She was ordinarily headstrong and quick to anger. Personal slights against her never went unanswered.

   Aveline looked as if she was going to persist, but then shook her head. It was obvious that she was not trying to antagonize. She was speaking out of concern for her friend whom she felt was making a dire mistake. Part of him agreed with her. Gradually, his anger cooled.

    As he watched Hawke walk past on her way to the below decks, he could suddenly see just how tired she was. Her normal gait was much more confident and swift. Now her walk was stilted and forced, her eyes fixed firmly on the deck below her. Had she an injury that he had missed? Fleetingly, he hoped that she would allow him to soothe her sore muscles, but he had a inkling that it would be a very long time before she would allow him the pleasure of touching her. He could not say that he would blame her if that day never came.

    Before she went below, she turned to him and subtly nodded, urging him to follow. He was simultaneously shocked and well... elated. She had indicated that she wished to be alone with him. He followed quickly, not wanting to be left alone with under the scrutiny of the others.

    “He follows her like a puppy.” Aveline grumbled. “And hides behind her for protection.” Although he was ashamed at the implication of her words, he remembered Hawke's call for peace until the morning and chose to ignore her. It was not easy.

   Once they had descended the stairs, Hawke turned to him, “We need to share a cabin. Aveline is likely to try to slit your throat while you sleep.”

    “Justice would...”

    “I know, but I do not want him killing my friend. Surely you can understand that?”

    “I.. yes. Of course I can. If she comes for me, I will only defend myself.”

   “Thank you.” He wondered what their relationship had come to that she had to ask him not to murder a friend. The thought that she herself might fear harm from him would kill him. Before he could voice his concerns, she turned from him and made her way to their cabin, Bitey at her heels.


End file.
